5.29.2009

the making of Tangerine


5 years ago today Tye and I were married and like all fabulous couples of the day (Brangelina, TomKat, Gyllenspoon) the first item of business was to establish our very own portmanteau. So Tyler and Angie blended and became Tangerine. (Here on my blog where Tye never participates I'm just Angerine).
Today we had a long, interesting conversation about the principle of temple marriage, the idea/symbol that it takes place at an altar (where things are sacrificed), and that it is one of the only ordinances where you are giving something up (hence the altar) rather than receiving a gift (or an endowment, if you will). It's the crowning point of agency. Two individual, separate entities renounce their freedom in favor of commitment to the other person, joined in a common goal. And it's permanent. That freedom and individuality you sacrificed is gone. You killed it on the altar, remember. But you weigh both choices- to remain alone and free, or to marry and sacrifice your Self in order to follow the Plan, and you decide the sacrifice is worth it.
Tye and I were both very content being single and have said many times that we probably could have remained "happily single ever after"--or if not "ever after" at least for a several more years--and even though we knew it was the right thing to get married, we were both hesitant to make the sacrifice and the commitment.
Pair the weight of the decision with the way the world glamorizes weddings, romanticizes love and portrays committed marriages as contentious blackholes and it's nearly impossible to have a healthy view of marriage. But the Plan of Salvation beckoned and in the end we pulled the trigger.
And you know, it wasn't the awful, miserable disaster I had imagined at all. It's actually pretty freakin awesome. What a lovely surprise. (It shouldn't have been a surprise at all, considering the rest of the Plan is so perfect, but I was skeptical about this part).
I often wonder if the full impact of temple marriage registers for most couples. On my wedding day I got a glimpse of it and it scared me. As soon as I walked through the temple doors I wanted to turn around and run for it. People that get married very young maybe have the advantage of not really having a clear picture of what they're doing. They just think, "Yay, I'm going to live with my best friend now."
While we were talking today Tye said at church we should get Commitment Prep classes. There is Mission prep for understanding/teaching the gospel. Temple Prep is just about the endowment, making sure you have the basics for entering the temple. Marriage Prep is basically a relationship class, being good to each other and all that. Commitment prep could emphasize the eternal perspective of marriage and the other ordinances. Commitment is probably the single most important factor in determining the success of an individual, a marriage, a business...it's an eternal principle that I think anyone could gain from studying. For Tye and me, it's our key for keeping things in perspective in our relationship. So, whoa, this has turned into a long, erratic spiel. What would you say is they key to making things work in your relationship?

7 comments:

Denae said...

Amen. I do agree that the young marriages really don't think so much about the commitment that they are making as opposed to the fun stuff. While it's an advantage, being a young one, I think it can be a disadvantage too. I think there should be a maturity class before you do it. Either way, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY hot stuff!
I'm pretty sure our marriage works because I give it up ALL the time. Okay, if that were the case it would have been divorce on day 2. I don't know that we have a "key", but probably one think that woks for us is remembering to have fun.

Craig said...

CONGRATS AGAIN.

Remember when I was the only person from your mission that showed up to St. George?

I'm not entirely sure that's true... but I feel like it is.

Hey, I need to speak to you, friend. (801)792-5716

I need to hook up some babysitters for this weekend for my friends wedding sealing/dinner on Friday night.

Thanks pal.

Wendy Lou said...

I loved your thoughts about the alter. Are they your thoughts? You should do marriage firesides instead of scrapbooking seminars.
Anyway, I think the best advise we got and use was the advise to think more of your spouce's needs than your own. Good ol' charity never faileth.
PS Call me I don't have your number and can't find a Spendlove on Yahoo People search in all of St George. 801-834-3123

LeAnn said...

Happy Anniversary!! I would have to say the "C's" commitment and communication. Randy is graduating this week and after 11 years of school....you bet commitment!! We're headed off next week to Vegas. We would love to stop in and say hi.

k8theriver said...

never go to bed angry.

k8theriver said...

j/k

k8theriver said...

oh, i forgot--i use picnik.com to edit my pictures. but i really don't know what i'm doing.